NOT A GOOD SIGN!

After 13 attempts to log on to the VA. Employment Commision website to file my weekly unemployment claim..., I finally gave up! This is a bad sign when so many people out of work are trying to log in at the same time. Most of the time.., it's just a bit slower. But this morning is the worst I've ever seen it. Of course, my computer has a disk drive malfunction which is severely hampering it's speed..., but since I'm out of work it won't be getting fixed at any cost to me! I know someone who had agreed in the past to trade off computer repair work for some electrical work he needed.., but he never called me back. Maybe I'll ask him again if he can still do that. At the time when he made the deal.., the computer wasn't malfunctioning.

I am really worried about the future.., not just my own.., but everyone's on the planet! It's difficult to stay positive about anything when you simply don't see an end to our current delima. OBAMA (One Big Ass Mistake America!) definately isn't the answer!!! Of course..., Bush 1 & 2, Clinton (where it all started!), and Hillary (Oh H-E-L-L NO!!) weren't much better!! We need a president with a big set of harry golf balls who doesn't care WHO he offends as long as he gets the job done!! Number one thing on the list..., NO MORE FREE WELFARE & HEALTH CARE FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!! The ones who are currently recieving it.., sorry dude..., you gots ta get yo ass legal like or you gots ta git!! What? You think I'm being unfair? Is it fair that you and I have to pay taxes on our money and they get to KEEP ALL of thier money, along with free health care? I've even heard of some free education programs set aside just for them. I went to school.., where was my MY free handout? Oh yeah.., that's right.., you have to be BREAKING FEDERAL IMMIGRATION LAWS before you can qualify for those programs!

NEW PLAN!!

With this new information in hand.., I now know what it is I must do. I'm selling everything I own except tools/ladders I need to make a living.., a few personal items (music, sentimentals, guitar/amps, etc).., one truck, and my clothes. I'm taking the money.., leaving my truck and stuff I wish to keep with my daughter. Then, I'm moving to MEXICO and becoming a Mexican citizen!! There, I will learn Spanish.., pick up the accent.., get tanned like a mexican.., and dye my hair black.., yeah Esse.., that's right.., gone loco homee! I will reside there for a few years and blend in. Then.., one day when the time is right, I'll wait until it gets dark and sneak across the border!! I'll move in with 15 of my new found amigos and senoritas. Then I'll work and pay no taxes.., and get free schooling and medical care!! Since I had left the states.., Sugarbear would've kicked me to the curb by then for abandonment.., so I'd no doubt have knocked up 3 different senoritas and fathered 15 little carmel colored bastards to take care of.., and you KNOW what THAT means..., 18 MORE WELFARE CLAIMS!! Holy hot tamalie Batman!!

Anyhow, sounds like a plan, right?! Of course I'm only kidding.., but it's so ridiculous it almost seems do-able as screwy as the economy is. I think Congress is SCARED of retalliation by the Mexican government if they tried to deport all the illegals back to Mexico. They need a REAL wall..., like the Great Wall of China.., embedded deep enough they couldn't tunnel under it. Make the illegals work long enough to pay for it's construction.., when it's finished.., surgically install a tamper proof bomb that would automatically detinate if they came within 50 feet of the wall. It would also detinate once it sensed it was disconnected from the body. Of course, they would have to figure a way for it not to detinate in the event the person was killed or died of natural causes. Install electrodes running 200 feet down at every 6 feet under the wall that would send a high voltage jolt to anyone trying to tunnel under it. Of course.., that still wouldn't fully elleviate the problem.., but it would SERIOUSLY slow it down!

It's not that I hate them wanting to come here. But think about how it effects our economy. If every one of these people paid taxes like the rest of us.., think how much money the government would collect to help the American people (PROVIDING we get someone in office who doesn't hand it out to corporations who don't deserve it!!). From where I sit.., they are STEALING from you and I both! The jobs they hold (preferred or not) are jobs an out of work AMERICAN could have. And don't believe all this crap about Mexicans working for less! Often times.., employers pay them MORE because they're not being taxed the same as us.., nor are any benefits being provided. Therefore, paying them more actually costs him less. Of course, the employers who get caught suffer the consequences. Of course there are some who do abide by the laws.

We as American people must also ASSUME part of the blame. We are way to sympathetic to every bleeding heart country who comes to us with a problem. We SHOULD be fixing the damage on our own turf FIRST!! We give millions in finacial aid to 3rd world countries.., yet we have people living on the streets starving and eating out of dumpsters. We pay millions to INDIVIDUALS simply because they can throw, catch, or shoot a damn baseball, football, or basketball!! We've set people so high on pedestals we swarm like hungry flies at all costs to admire them. The American way of life has gotten entirely out of hand. Until we stop being greedy, stop being insensitive to our own people, start helping our neighbor, drop the chips on our shoulders, get back to good old fashioned family principles, and start trusting one another, we are DOOMED to fail.

THE CYCLE OF THINGS

For the last 3 days.., I've made 3 different attempts just to APPLY for a job at the shipyard.., no lie..., 3 ATTEMPTS!!

I went the first day to apply and they gave me an application and 10 minute speech ABOUT the application process to go along with it. They said you can't fill it out there.

The second day, I brought the application back and the computer system was down so they couldn't enter my information. They also said they needed more complete address information for my job contacts. They requested job contacts over the last five years, leaving 3 areas to list your jobs. In 5 years, I've more than 3 different jobs. One was as short as 2 weeks.., 2 were as short as one month. Of those 3.., I usually only list one (the last job I had) because it looks bad to an employer. I left the 2 week job because he had promised me one thing.., and did another.

I asked him to provide me with some wire nuts to do a parking lot job he sent me on.., and he had a hissy fit over having to buy them and some electrical tape! Instead, he gave me two partial rolls of tape (almost depleted) and a small box full of old wire clipping about the size of a cracker box. He said, "I'm not buying wire nuts! Take apart these old wire connections and reuse these!" B-CAP brand wire nuts run about $5 to $10 for a bag of 1000 each depending on where you buy them!! I only need about 40 of them! B-CAP wire nuts usually don't work a second time. Personally, I don't use them if I can keep from it. Most contractors won't even use them because they don't hold that good! To me, things like that.., and the fact I was spending two hours a day driving to the shop, then to the job, then back to the shop, shifting my tools between his van and my truck because he was too "chincy" to let me drive the thing to and from home.., made my decision to leave almost inevitable.

The one month job.., I'd been hired as a foreman to revamp an old clothing store and turn it into a THINGS REMEMBERED STORE at a local mall. However, contractor delays caused me not to even get to work on the job until over 2 weeks LATE! So, the first 2 weeks and 3 days I spent taking care of a "punch list" (last minute closeout stuff) on another mini-mall they were the main electrical contractor for. The guy who was doing the job was fired for stealing. Anyhow, I took care of the list AND extras that came up during that time and the company was able to collect payment for the job PLUS the extras. Then I get to the Things remembered job.., and the contractor tells me it was only bid to be completed in 2 weeks! Well, there I was AFTER the 2 weeks were up just starting the job even though it wasn't my fault. The help was always late of calling in sick.

The 16 foot high ceiling required a scissor lift in order to remove the old lighting system to reroute the electrical circuits to sustain the new system requirements. I requested the lift immediately but didn't get it until 5 DAYS LATER!!! The one they sent was too large to fit through the rear entrance of the store.., so after another day I finally got my lift. Now 22 days BEHIND SHEDULE I get what I need.., so I THOUGHT! My boss talked the contractor into renting the lift.., therefore I could only use it when they weren't! I complained about it.., 2 days later.., we got one. So now.., 24 days behind shedule.., I have the contractor calling my boss DAILY complaining about production for something totally beyond my control.

On day 30 (and my probationary evaluation day).., their lead supervisor comes up to me and hands me (LITERALLY) a "pink" termination slip.., sighting my production was TOO SLOW!! This was right after I had just finished the last item (one light fixture) of the contract and had just been given the "passed state electrical inspection" form by the inspector allowing them PAYMENT for contract completion!! Our job was finished. So if you break that down.., I spent 17 days fixing someone else's mistakes.., COMPANY GOT PAID because of ME..., I spent 12 and a half days and completed a 14 day project with inadequate equipment and inadequate HELP.., COMPANY GOT PAID AGAIN because of ME!! Yet.., they said it was MY FAULT!!

So naturally I had deleted these 2 jobs from my resume on purpose. My last job, although only 29 days, was a "specialty" electrical contractor dealing with Davis-Bacon government scale contracting. Only the "best" qualifiers get picked for those kind of jobs.., therefore I like to have it on my list. However, being I was terminated it also goes against me. So, really, it's difficult at best to figure out what to do. This x many.., spells out my situation=HOPELESS!! I have a CDL class "A" unrestricted driver's license.., a master electrician's licence.., 33 years of electrical experience.., and CAN'T find a stinking job!! So is the case for millions I suppose, right?

Anyhow, getting back to the shipyard application, I go back a third time. Only this time, I realize I forgot to include my phone numbers for my previous employers on a couple of them. I looked in my employment verification letters folder in my truck (used for licensing purposes) and quickly rectified the problem. As I was about to leave, the woman at the desk reviewing my information says, "Unlike other employers we are very strict in our application process. If you have omitted even the slightest bit of information it will automatically disqualify your application because it's verified through computer by use of your social security number."

It was then I remembered the 2 jobs I'd left out. She told me anything left out past 5 years wouldn't matter. I told her I had to include more than 5 years because it's been almost 10 years since I did marine electrical work. I worked at a few temp services during that time which I left off the application. If she's telling me the truth.., then it won't matter. At any rate, I added the 2 I left out.., but realized I didn't have the phone numbers. So, I tried calling information on my cell phone.., but connection was bad. So, I left the shipyard and drove to a mini mall, aquired a yellow pages, got the number, went back and filed the application. What a horrific task THAT was!!

Now.., all I can do is wait until the phone rings..., IF it ever rings!! :-(

GAS

LOOK OUT.., I GOTTA GO # 2!!!!

OK..., enough is enough!! I've strained.........., grunted......., blue eyes turnin' poo brown........, amongst vapors not fit for support of life as we know it........, cold (but very sexy!) cheeks pressed to the seat.., waiting.., waiting.., waiting.., waiting.., NOTHING!! At least not til I.., sittin' typin' bloggin' n stuff.., now here it comes again!! THREE DAYS NOW!!

Hey Mr. Anus!! ..., puke.., poo poo..., spew.., do SOMETHING!! Release me from your bowels..., err.., uhh.., sorry..., I mean BOWELS RELEASE!!! (but please WAIT until I'm in the bathroom!!)

One minute you feel like your makin' hershey pie.., and the next your makin' fire logs!! ARRGGHH!! If I crap my pants I'm REALLY going to be pissed (and NO I'm not going to PISS on myself!!).

I think it's just nerves and being upset n stuff that's got my rump factory all in a frizzle. Anyhow, here's to lovin' the CHARMIN!!

YOUR MOVE HOMEE!

Before I went to bed Sunday night, I had informed Sugarbear and Big Mama both of my intentions of applying for a job as a marine electrician at one of the local shipyards Monday morning. Monday came.., upset stomach.., dizziness.., diarrhea.., body ache.., etc.., therefore I wasn't up to the task. Today I slept in late until around 10:30.., turned on my coffee.., and now here I sit at 12:17.., still feeling ill. But what kind of ill feeling it is today isn't the same as it was yesterday. The shipyard is hiring according to the telephone hotline, for both marine electricians and maintenance electricians. So.., my chances of actually getting a job there ARE pretty good because for some unkown reason marine electrical jobs are usually much easier to land than others.

The thing is.., marine electrical work is a royal pain in the behind! The danger level is at least 75% higher.., working conditions are horrible as far as noise, dust, welding flashes, fire hazards, health hazards, fall hazards, the pay usually sucks, theft rate is 50% higher, and worst of all..., electrocution hazards are everywhere. When I last worked in the shipyard I was sick of it all together. I wasn't fired.., in fact I probably had a solid future with that particular company because they considered me in the top 2 of thier skilled electricians. I had even been moved up to where I had 14 people working for me.., HOWEVER.., with no raise to go with it!! I had a better paying offer with less work involved and a chance to learn new things, etc, so I took it. After I left, 2 weeks later a good friend and coworker of mine was electrocuted while working in the switchboard I had been scheduled to work in had I stayed. Of course, it was largely his fault for ignoring certain safety rules, but the potential still existed where the same fate may have fallen on anyone who attempted the repair. That someone could've very well been ME!!

Either way.., my bills are OK today.., but within a week or so I won't have the money to pay any of them. I must face the fact I have to do whatever it takes until this economy improves. That is.., IF it improves!! Sometimes I really doubt things are ever going to change for the better. So, like it or not I'm going there and applying for a job today. They do have excellent benefits and they actually pay pretty descent for a shipyard from what I hear. Once I get used to it, the job will be like any other job I suppose. Get up, go to work, do my job, go back home, and do it again the next day. Anyhow, I despise the shipyard with a passion.., but I like a paycheck allot better! I figure on keeping up with my business part time. Sugarbear gave me a good idea yesterday. After I get some more cash put away, I'll spend the $500 to $700 it takes to hire an advertising firm to pass out flyers, etc, to get my name out there. I wasn't aware that in VA. it's against the law (of COURSE!!) for an individual to pass out flyers without being licensed to do so! And they wonder WHY people don't try harder to get small businesses started!! Once it gets too big to handle part time, I'll quit the shipyard and take on the business full time. At least..., it all sounds good in planning. Hopefully, I'll win the lottery soon and everything will turn out great!

RIGHT!!!!

HELP!!

Do any of you computer wiz types out there no how to diagnose this problem:

My cd-rom drive keeps trying to read itself on it's own. As soon as you start the computer, the disk drawer opens up by itslef. Nothing happens, action/lights/anything from pushing the close button on the tower itself. You can push it in manually.., but it opens back up after 2 seconds. The whole time you're on-line.., the icon comes up indicating the computer is trying to read a disk that's not there. I can't even load a disk into the computer at all now. The internet service crashed on us a couple of days back, and the technician said because the computer keeps trying to read false info.., it's slowing it down tremendously and also putting a strain on the modem. It all started awhile back when I tried to load a music CD by mistake into the wrong drive. Also, the music drive drawer won't open now. It clunks like it's trying to open.., but it never does.

Anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to fix the problem, please let me know in the comments section. Thank you.

ALL SYSTEMS GO.., A LESSON IN ELECTRICITY JUST FOR YOU!

So there I was..., having felt ill with stomach/and irregularity all day long..., relaxing as best I could watching the original series "V" on ScyFy. My cell rings..., I answer as "Hello, """"" Electric Company, may I help you?" However, it was my neighbor calling to tell me the wood burning stove fan I installed for them was not kicking in like it was supposed to. Although I felt as if I was trying to puke starting at my anus working backwards through my sinus cavity..., I left my "V" marathon and went across the street.., tools in hand.

To start with..., this was about the 4th or 5th trip I had made across the street concerning this stupid fan project. I hadn't recieved a dime for my troubles so far.., and to tell the truth, at this point I was starting to become a bit irritated with the whole "trying to be neighborly" thing. Even so, I decided to finish what I started.., so I went! The first time I had went there.., the fan was already taken loose but still connected. Someone "claiming" to know what they were doing had attempted to install it and failed miserably. As soon as I looked at it I realized the problem. It had been wired wrong causing the motor windings to burn up instantly.

Most 120 volt fans have either 2, 3, 4, or 5 connection points depending on if they are single speed, dual speed, or 3 speed, and whether or not a green ground wire is also provided. Basically..., for you non-electric types, it goes like this unless otherwise marked- (CAREFUL!: THIS STANDARD RULE APPLIES TO 120 VOLT MOTORS ONLY!!!)
-black=hot, white=neutral (or common): single speed
-black, white, green: single speed with ground
-black=high, red=low, white=neutral: dual speed
-black, red, white, green: dual speed with ground
-black=high, red=medium, blue=low, white=neutral: 3 speed
-black, red, blue, white, green: 3 speed with ground

The fan in question was a 3 speed with a ground.., but it was being USED for a single speed motor application. There's nothing wrong with doig that AS LONG as you know what you're looking at whenever you go to install it. Obviously.., the other guy did not. To hook a 3 speed fan in place of a single speed fan, you can either connect the fan at it's highest speed setting (black and neutral) and wire nut the other two wires (medium and low) individually separate from each other. Or you can install a 3 speed switch. In the case of this fan.., it was controlled by a thermostat to start up at 400 degrees. The fan was controlled by a variable rheostat (speed control) to speed it up or slow it down. All a speed control does is varies the amount of voltage supplied to the motor at a gradual rate depending on where you set the control. It acts exactly like a volume control.

So in this case, power comes in...,
neutral goes straight to the fan..,
the black from the power cord connects to the black (input) wire on the rheostat..,
the white (output) wire from rheostat goes to the center of the manual/off/auto switch..,
the black wire from "auto" switch connection to one side of thermostadt..,
the black wire from "manual" switch connection to other side of the thermostat connected to
another black wire from this same point on thermostat to black wire on motor,..
the red wire on motor gets a wire nut & tape..,
the blue wire on motor gets a wire nut & tape..,
the green wire on motor connects to grounding point or any available bare metal surface.

For a three speed switch.., (motor connections) The white goes straight to the power cord white wire, black goes to "high or 1".., red goes to "medium or 2".., blue goes to "low or 3" on the 3 speed switch.

Then the black from the cord goes to the center of the manual/off/auto switch..,
the "auto" connection of ''/''/'' switch to one side of the thermostadt..,
the "manual" connection of "/"/" to other side of thermostat connected to another black wire from this point on the thermostat connected to "common or 0" on the 3 speed switch..,
the ground connects the same was as before.

What they had was black-red-white of the motor all connected together.., and blue connected to the neutral(white) from the cord!=DISASTER!! Basically.., high and medium speed were shorted together.., and the low speed was taking the full load of ALL OF IT through being connected to the neutral.., resulting in the motor windings not being able to handle the load and burning up. So, I electrically installed a new one.., but couldn't test it yet because they lost some of the original mounting hardware and didn't allow me a chance to bench test it. This is after I had came there once to diagnose the problem.., once to reinstall the new one.., 2 or 3 times to finish it but still no parts yet. Here it is almost 2 weeks later.., they put the hardware in since I had already hooked it up but it still didn't work!

Now.., I trust my own judgement and I was SURE it was wired correctly. Regardless, I checked it over again.., sure enough.., it was correct. So.., NOW I convince them to let me test the motor directly without the thermostat as I requested to do to begin with, etc. I did.., and it worked fine! Then I took continuity readings (power off resistance readings) of the switch..., worked fine!

This told me that 1-the cord was good, 2-the motor was good AND wired correctly, 3-auto/off/manual switch was fine, 4-problem was either a bad connection point, bad thermostat, or a bad rheostat. I took continuity on the rheostat and got NOTHING.., even when I tried varying the knob one way or the other=BAD! Then I did an even further check by bypassing the rheostat using only the "/"/" switch and the thermostat. Everything worked fine.., so the connections were OK (AFTER I re-did a few of the factory ones anyway!). I tested the other 2 speed windings (red wire & neutral=medium, blue wire and neutral=low) and everything worked just fime. About a half hour later.., the owner returned with a new rheostat.., I installed it..., put it all back together.., and everybody's happy!

He said, "That's the best it's ever worked! The fan never did act like it was running as fast as it should. Now it works like it SHOULD work! Thank you very much!" He asked why there was such a difference in the speed variation from before. I explained to him that electricity will ALWAYS take the least path of resistance opposed to it. When the factory wired it.., they had all 3 speeds wired together as one speed. So, whenever the the motor was recieving the full voltage.., it was being dispursed unevenly across 3 points of the motor instead of only the highest speed winding. This caused the 2 lower speed windings to become inflicted with higher currents than they could handle. However, because the motor never ran up to it's full speed due to current confliction.., it took over 10 years to actually destroy the motor!

When the other guy installed the new motor incorrectly, he not only caused a direct short across the low speed winding (blue).., but also sent a huge current surge through the rheostat burning up the delicate circuit board inside of it. However.., I was shocked they actually insisted upon paying me this time! I mean..., neighborly trade off is all well and good.., but if it's going to become a thorn in my side from a bush I never tread anywhere near.., do me a favor and find the guy who scaped up against it to start with and leave me out of it! In other words.., if you want me to mess with it.., CALL ME instead of waitng until after someone else gets done destroying it!! Make them clean up thier own mess!! All's good though.., I did get paid.., not what it was actually worth.., but at least it's something, right?

Anyhow, there you have it.., the DOG has yet once again conquered where another before him has failed!! When will these peasants ever learn?! When will they finally give up and give me my kingdom like I deserve?!! LOL!!

SPOOKS, COOKS, AND OTHER BIZ

Another fun season of Halloween has now come and gone. It was a welcomed release for a chance to hang out with other people, and have a good time. With all I've had to deal with lately, getting away from reality for a bit was what I needed. Our neighbor across the street always invites us to his big Halloween party every year at his house. He hires a band and has the food caterred, etc. He invites everyone within earshot of the party, and lets the police know he's having it in order to minimize noise complaints, etc. However, over the last few years, the complaints had gotten out of hand. Last year, he found out a police officer ran an unnecessary background check on him based only on a noise complaint! He was furious! So, now the party is hosted by a local pub nearby. We decided to go "taxi style" with a friend designated driver and rode in his van.

I went as the executioner, and Sugarbear went as Medusa. Apparently, our costumes were a complete hit because people who didn't even know us kept us busy posing for photographs! Hey, stardom can be rough sometimes! Then, we were invited to another party on Friday which may work out well for my business with customer contacts through the HVAC business owner who threw the party. Last night, we went to yet another free Halloween party at another nearby pub! It was kind of a dud.., but I did get a chance to answer questions a few of my friends had about my new business venture. One of them is head sales manager for an electrical supply discounter who has agreed to extend me a descent line of credit based solely upon my character. The other is an ex-boss and friend who has agreed to help me out on any jobs requiring special equipment I don't have or assistance at 20% of the profit, or by allowing me use of certain equipment. Another is also an electrical business owner (small, yet established 13 years) who said he could provide a bucket truck & driver at 15% profit, or at a set rate. He also said he could throw a little work my way working for him just as an electrician, just until my business picks up.

However, the guy I just mentioned I've heard isn't that reliable. Of course, this stems from promises he used to make while drinking allot.., and now he doesn't drink. Either way, I'll check it out on Monday. If money had been involved..., I guess we would've had to miss it all together because I am just about BROKE! As far as the parties go.., I saw some pretty wild costumes. We had a guy dressed as PINHEAD, several witches, a few werewolves, one vampire, SLASH (best costume-party #2), OZZY, a sexy wonderwoman who took "sexiest" prize at party #2 (not my vote), a bar wench (who of those 2, should have won-STILL not my vote!), zombie (goriest-party #2), tequilla bandito (coolest party #2 costume in my opinion!), loli-pop kid (best costume-party #1), a knight, tourist couple, cop couple, pussycat, prisoner couple, pirate couple, and all kinds of other ghouls and ghosts! Next year, I have 4 costumes in mind; 1-zombie rock guitarist, 2-giant penis, 3-bloody tampon, 4-giant slug. Not sure which it will be, but there you have it! Happy Halloween!

THE CRITICS HAVE SPOKEN!

My magnetic signs for my business finally arrived yesterday. I must say, although they look pretty cool, I was also greatly disapointed with them. They are much smaller than what I had pictured and much thinner! On one of them, I can see a small indentation where something had been trapped between the magnet and the printed sign as it was pasted to the magnet, leaving a small dot on the surface. However, for $40, you really can't expect but so much when it comes to sign printing. If it works and gets the job done.., terrific!! Right now, I have a logo which is basically a generic logo pertaining to the electrical trade as offered by the company who printed the signs. It's OK I guess, but after I get established I think I may com up with something much better. I have 2 very artistic younger brothers (one has a degree in art) and I might actually hire them to take on that task. Right now though..., the generic logo works out just fine. I must say..., the signs really do look good on my truck! Now if people would just get off thier lazy behinds and start CALLING THE NUMBER I'll be thrilled beyond words!

BALLAD OF MICK THE MOSQUITO

Outside in the elements.., doing my thing.., when the little turd dive bombs me! He wanted blood! Whether it was vengeance for his slain comrades from all the years past, insatiable appetite, or just plain rage.., he was intent upon me as his target! I was in the painstakingly delicate process of refurbishing two antique glass lamps for one of my customers, while sitting at the work bench in my workshop. I did the usual whiz-by hand swat.., 1-2-3-4, and as many as 20.., but the persistent little parasite kept coming! I tried spraying some cleaner at him.., which detoured his bomb raids by only a fraction. It wasn't no time at all..., like the brave little soldier of his group that he was(YES.., he invited THEM too!).., "whitey dog" wasn't about to keep him down!

Soon, the squad divided into groups. I can still hear him buzzing out his commands, "Group one-attack the eyes, group two-you guys go for the ears, group three-go for the nose and mouth, groups four and five-you guys stay in formation with me while I attack the limbs! Ooorah let's go-let's-go squad!" Here they came..., all at once! So many of them I almost dropped one of the lamps! That was the last straw! Now they were disrupting my place of business and I wasn't going to stand for it!

Although I realized I was seriously out numbered, I knew the time to move was now.., or fall victim to their siege! There was no time for any great strategy..., so I thought.., but only for a few seconds mind you..., "I wonder what General Patton would've done?" So, on the brink of falling victim to the wrath of a squad of miniature flying vampires, I went into stealth mode! I decided that in order to take control I must annihilate their leader. Sure, I'd take a few hits in the process, but many a soldier has picked up a few injuries here and there in lieu of taking on the full bruntal of the attack. Yeah, that's right, I was now a lone soldier on my own private battlefield in a scrape with a band of ruthless little hellions!

I became very still. Waiting..., without a sound or a movement. BAM.., took one to the ear, BAM another to the neck, BAM-BAM.., took 2 to the leg! Then came the moment!! Mick flew in low.., he dived straight down.., spun aroud left.., then right.., back left.., my targeted left forearm now in his sights.., SPLAT!! ACCESS D-E-N-I-E-D..., swipe-swipe.., as I scrape his squashed remains off my arm as his lifeless carcus lands on the table! His squad, now halting their attacks..., does a beautifully executed tight buzz-by formation in honor of their slain commander! Realizing his grave error in judging the strength of their target, only one brave soldier attempted any further attacks.., which landed him the same fate as his slain commander. Realizing any further attempts would be futile, they turned and flew away in search of a new target. This battle left me victorious.., yet suffering the pain of several wounds inflicted in the process.

I sat and wondered how things could have been different.., had I been born a mosquito and he a human. As tough as he was, I may have failed in comparison to the strength he would've possesed as a man, and might not have had any injuries at all! And what of his family.., his 1000(?) eggs produced by his wife? Chips of the old block maybe.., will they be back next season to avenge the death of their father? Maybe the sons and daughters of the other mosquito will join them as well. By now, the mosquito world has seen my strategy. Therefore, if I'm to survive future attacks..., I must devise a plan..., and SOON!!

Either way.., Patton himself was said to admire his enemy every bit as much as he despised him. I suppose must consider his legacy if I'm to be victorious. So.., I guess if I were a mosquito.., and every city in the country was wiping out half of my population with poison spray every time I turned around..., I'd have issues too! Especially if I had that many kids to raise in garbage, sewers, nasty old swamps and ditches, animal feces, sharing similarities with flies, and I had to suck blood to survive.., I'd be an unhappy and downright mean little sum-bitch too!!