Best email joke ever!!HOW TO CALL THE POLICE .
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock yourdoors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again. "Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
SAD BUT TRUE!A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions and reads on the front page:
"U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!"
ANYHOW.....................,
So by now you've probably, seen, felt, experienced, or heard about Tropical Storm Ida and all it's devestation. In this here neck of the woods.., we got a little kicked around ourselves. Several major roads and highways along with a few area tunnels are closed due to flooding. Many people are without power and running water, etc. The governor is expected to declare a state of emergency for a few areas of the Tidewater VA area Monday (I believe, so don't quote me on that). Many homes and businesses were either flooded, demolished, or partially damaged by high winds. There's a wildlife reserve (King's Creek) behind the houses across the street from us. The water rose about 15 feet above it's banks. Luckily the creek is 20 feet lower tha the highest backyard level leaving 5 feet of flood barrier protection. Still, that's ALLOT of water!! One of the houses was built in the early 1800's, yet it took no damage. That says allot for the way they USED to build houses!!
There was a medium sized tree uprooted by the wind 2 doors down, a tree split in half across the street, brief power outages, limbs, branches, leaves, toppled and broken outdoor furniture, etc. Today, we cleaned up about 15 HUGE bags of leaves and debri. My truck bed is piled 4 feet above the cab with branches, twigs, etc. I hasd to stomp down on them about 4 or 5 times to make it all fit for the ride to the dump on Tuesday!! An enormous barge filled with containers full of chlorine, washed up at the local tourist beach of Sandbridge within 50 feet of demolishing a newly rebuilt fishing pier! Luckily, the Coast Guard was able to secure the barge in time. Living near the ocean.., these things just go with the territory. You just try to do your best not to get caught stranded with nowhere to go. They said this storm's damage was WORSE than the damage caused by Hurricane Isabel! I just hope another big storm doesn't hit us before we regroup from this one. But hey.., this IS good old problematic VA.., and most likely it probably WILL!!
JUST A THANKIN' BOUT STUFF Y'ALL
I suppose some of you have been wondering why I've been talking about unemployment in my posts here and there when I have my own business. No.., I'm not trying to cheat the system. I am currently eligible to recieve unemployment under a previous existing claim BECAUSE I was let go from a company before I started the business. As long as I claim any money I make on my weekly submitted claim, there's nothing wrong with it. They simply exclude the money made from any pay I'd recieve for that week. However, since my business is brand new and isn't doing SQUAT right now.., unemployment would be GREATLY appreciated!! But because my last employer was a DICK and let me go at 29 days to avoid unemployment liability, etc, I have to wait until the "fact findings" of Monday's phone interview between, me, the employment office deputy, and my old boss. If it's determined I was NOT let go for any sort of "misconduct" on my part, then I will recieve backpay from October 7th until next week. It's very unlikely they will side for the employer because I never refused to do anything that was asked of me, I was never late, etc. Their complaint was I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain to be a "leader". The fact is, I was never hired under those conditions to start with. I was never told I was being considered for anything more than what I was hired for. I was hired as an electrician, as it is so stated on my interview sheet which we both signed. I asked during the interview about it being a foreman's position and was told, and I quote, "Absolutely not!" unquote. With that in mind.., I DOUBT it will turn out bad.
Supposedly, I'm eligible for another extension to either hold me until the first of the year, they start the whole process over again by filing a new claim, OR, a combination of both. So basically, if you haven't already figured it out by now..., I'm just as confused about how it all works as you are!! If you think about it though, it's really screwed up. I reopened my claim on October 7th, and I've filed every week since then. However, I have to WAIT until November 16th plus 10 days for the results to FIND OUT "if" I get any money, then WAIT until the check is/isn't processed. On the 16th, I also have to file a NEW CLAIM for continued eligibility after the extensions are axhaused.., thus requiring (I'm almost positive about this) ANOTHER phone interview with the same employer at another date and time! This another fine example of the ass-backwards good old VA. Commonwealth State!!
SITUATION IS-- I'm ready, willing, and able to work. However, nobody is hiring, my business isn't happening, my debts are growing larger, I feel like I'm losing my mind, Pantera will never have any new music featuring Darrel Eugene Abbot (RIP Dime), and my patience has all but left the building!! Sounds like someone ALL OF US know, right?!
So, with that in mind, if I seem a little TENSE, ANGRY, WORRIED, OR WHATEVER when I write...., need I say more? Give me a break.., later dog!!!